


Acclimation

by ParadoxMage



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Emily is there for her, F/F, Lena gets panic attacks, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Recovery, Stress, Support, Tiny Gay Tracer Is Working Through Her Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 05:56:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11269326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadoxMage/pseuds/ParadoxMage
Summary: After much practice and time, Lena can safely take off her accelerator without worry. She didn't start out that way though. The first time she ever took it off, even with Winston's newly developed chronal hubs near her, she began to panic. But, with time, she moved past it.





	Acclimation

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. This thing-y kind of owes its existence to bzarcher (he and his work are amazing btw) and a very specific line he used in one of his stories called Faux Pas (link here http://archiveofourown.org/works/8151262/chapters/18680860) 
> 
> When Lena is giving a run down of the accelerator for reasons I won't spoil in case you want to check out the fic, she says “I often have panic attacks if I’m out of it for more than a few minutes.”
> 
> That set my wheels turning and viola! This was born.
> 
> Fun fact, I talked with a friend for several hours about the name for this piece and didn't settle on one until two days later. So yeah, naming this was a bitch. But it was a lot of fun anyway.

“Are you ready for this?”

  
  
“You bet!”

 

Emily rather wanted to smack her girlfriend for that remark, along with the brilliant smile illuminating her face.

 

“You know the false bravado doesn’t work on me as well as it does on the cameras.”

 

The change was instant, the smile dropping away, the light in her eyes switched off.

 

Lena was afraid, more so than she would ever want to admit.

 

“Now,” Emily reached a hand over to Lena’s chin and lifted her face, forcing their eyes to meet. “Are you  _ actually _ ready to give this a shot?”

 

Lena actually paused to consider, eyes flicking around the room, at the timer, the chronal hub on the floor next to them. Her wandering gaze finally came to rest on the blue circle of light resting against her chest, now with only a single strap holding it against her body.

 

She breathed deep, slowly inhaling, holding the breath and exhaling with measured force.

 

“Let’s do it.”

 

Emily smiled, giving Lena’s hand a quick squeeze. She was so proud of her courage.

 

“Whenever you’re ready Lena.”

 

She looked down at that last strap, her last connection to the anchor that had become a part of her being. Her mind flicked back to the last time she’d removed the anchor for any length of time… and she forced it back. There was no sense dwelling on that. Besides, things were different now. She was stronger.

 

And, she thought, looking across the room. She had someone to help her through this.

 

Emily gave her a small smile and Lena felt her heart grow warm, at the faith her girlfriend had in her and the pride she was displaying at her own courage.

 

That was all it took.

 

Treating it like a band aid, she undid the final strap and placed the chronal accelerator on the floor a few feet away.

 

She closed her eyes and focused on breathing.

 

In.

 

Out.

 

In.

 

Out.

 

In.

 

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In

Out

In

Out

In Out In Out In Out In Out

inoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinoutinout

 

Breathing quickening, her eyes shot open and she grabbed for the accelerator with nothing less than sheer desperation, her heart beat rising and her breath moving in shorter and shorter gasps every moment.

 

It was only when the final strap was tightened and the accelerator was firmly back in place that her breathing began to ease and her heart began to slow.

 

Emily quietly moved over to her and wrapped her in an embrace, murmuring quietly that it was okay, that she had been so brave and she had done so well and that she was so proud.

 

Lena knew it wasn’t.

 

Forcing herself to look, she turned to the timer Emily had started the moment she’d taken off the accelerator.

 

0:37

 

She closed her eyes and rested her head against her knees, curling heself into a ball. She wanted to sob. That small eternity had been less than a minute.

 

She didn’t understand how anyone could love someone as… broken, as herself.

 

“Hey, I know that face,” She opened her eyes, Emily’s brown eyes locking with her own.

 

“You are not broken, no matter your problems. And never for even an instant, think I love you less for them.”

 

Lena would never stop wondering how Emily could so perfectly read her mind.

 

“In fact, it’s quite the opposite.” Emily pulled her forwards for a quick kiss. 

 

“I love you so much more for it.” She whispered against her lips.

 

“You shoulder a weight most people can’t even imagine and you never let it make you bitter. You take your pain and use it to be kind.”

 

Emily gave her another smile and Lena felt her heart melt.

 

“Do you have any idea how in awe I am of you. The world needs more heroes like Lena Oxton.”

 

At that Lena cracked a smile too. A real one, not one of her false Tracer grins. It was as imperfect as she was, but that was okay. Tears still streaked her face, an odd contrast to her beautiful smile, but what was she if not a contradiction.

 

In that moment, a moment of sadness and joy alike, she made a decision.

 

“I want to try again.”

 

Emily looked at her, searching her face, trying to figure out what she was thinking.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

That was just one of the things she loved about Em. She didn’t question her, didn’t fight her, didn’t ask why, she just made sure that she would be okay.

 

Still giving a tear stained smile she nodded.

 

As Emily began to get up, Lena reached over and caught her arm.

 

“Just one thing luv,”

 

She could see the question in her girlfriend’s eyes.

 

“Stay with me this time.”

 

A small flicker of understanding passed across Emily’s face. She gave Lena a smile, and nodded.

 

⬦ ⬦ ⬦

 

 

Pulling the timer over to where they sat, Emily gave Lena’s hand a quick squeeze as she once again prepared to remove the accelerator.

 

Borrowing the strength she needed from the redhead beside her, she pulled the accelerator off and put it beside her, never once releasing her hold on Emily’s hand.

 

She closed her eyes and began her breathing again.

 

In.

 

Out.

 

In.

 

Out.

 

This time though, she kept her focus on the warm hand in her own. 

 

In

Out

In

Out

Inoutinoutinoutin...

 

Her breathing beginning to speed up she started to panic once again, desperation starting to color her restless movements.

 

And then that warm hand squeezed her own gently.

 

She squeezed back, hard, but right now she couldn’t even register that she might’ve hurt Emily.

 

Right now all that mattered was that the hand was warm and real and solid. It was something to keep her here, something to anchor her.

 

As long as that hand remained in hers, she was safe.

 

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

 

Out.

 

In.

 

Out.

…

 

A quiet beeping disturbed her breathing pattern and she opened her eyes in confusion, only to have Emily throw her arms around her in sheer joy, congratulating her and praising her.

 

Looking over her girlfriend’s shoulder Lena saw the source of the beeping.

 

The timer, having reached the five minute mark, had begun to chime.

 

She felt her eyes tearing up again, but this time out of sheer joy.

 

She had never made it five minutes.

 

She allowed the tears to flow free, finally hugging Emily back, kissing her deeply in elation, Emily just as joyous.

 

Eventually they disentangled, Lena moving to pull the accelerator on once again.

 

She still needed it.

 

But, looking at the timer, she knew that maybe someday she would be able to be outside of it without being subjected to uncontrollable fear. 

 

She would try again tomorrow.

 

And the day after.

 

And she’d get better and better.

 

Just as long as she had Emily by her side.

 

In her line of work she met people who most would call the most courageous, kindest, most generous people in the world.

 

But as far as Lena was concerned, there was no one more in this world who would ever measure up to Emily.

**Author's Note:**

> Well... how'd I do? Hope you guys enjoyed this thing that I did!


End file.
